Twenty

I know I shouldn't post something like this. It's just that I want to reflect on my life and I'm still not used to being labeled as an "adult".

I am two decades old. I just turned twenty last Monday. Before that happened, I kind of thought about what Tiff told me many months before that when we commuted together. She said something about she and Steph planning to do a lot of things before they turn twenty. I thought of mine but I think I wasn't able to do much. I spent a lot of time in front of the computer. It was pretty disappointing, but on the bright side, I was able to learn many things in life and I made a lot of people happy and some I left disappointed.

Since I'm no longer a teenager, I now think about what am I going to do next? I also wonder how people are going to treat me now that I'm an adult. I still don't feel that way because I'm a young person at heart. I keep convincing myself that I am a 17 year old. When I look at other people my age, and they look different from what they used to be, I feel very insecure. The way I feel about it is when they act and look more mature than I am and I think people, including me, like that in them. I also look at some people slightly younger than me who act too maturely for their age. What I mean is that they can decide for themselves and they have boundless freedom, yet they still have their flaws.

At times, I get angry over my failures. My parents would always tell me to stop doing that and that I still have a long way to go. I'm still afraid of looking at myself ten years from now. I ask myself with questions like "will I be able to get a decent job?" or "how am I going to live my life if I have nothing else to do?".

I don't know how to conclude this entry but I believe everything will just fall into place. I just have to do my part and learn from my mistakes.

Lost (and worried)

Ok, I'm in the middle of making a research paper. I have almost four pages already and the minimum is five. I'm kinda lost right now because I'm trying to paraphrase a lot of stuff from the web and I get so distracted that I do not know what to write or include anymore.

The end of the term is near. Every term, I worry about failing a subject or two. I only have six units left until I become ineligible. Believe me, I was working hard but not good enough. I'm positively sure that I won't fail anything this time and I'm hoping that I would pass statistics. I'm also desperate in getting a 2.5 for both the elective subject and automata theory since I failed them before.

Ugh, one more week until the term's over. I can't wait to do shit. I hope I could start on that graphic novel that I've been planning to do since 4th year high school.